Four Chicks, Three Hunks, and a Frog

by 

Peg Herring

Four Chicks, Three Hunks, and a Frog

 Copyright 2001 

by Peg Herring

All Rights Reserved

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Characters-

Guardian-wise older fairy who trains new ones

Metron-(m or w) fairy civil servant; rather a dithering type

Mabel-best of this year's initiates; clever and resourceful

Shanara-evil fairy; always dresses in black

Alice-ditzy but kind initiate

Lothian-King; father of  Beauty

Irene-Queen; mother of  Beauty; a bit of a complainer

Fairies 2-11: initiates who bestow gifts on the king's baby girl

Barry Charming-second of the charming brothers, intellectual but not practical

Dwight Charming-oldest prince, gorgeous but conceited

Lucky Charming-youngest brother-Mr. Personality-doesn't know what he's looking for in a wife

Joe Charming/Frog-the lost Charming brother, enchanted

Beauty-smart, but ditzy princess who sleeps 20 years

Snow White-beautiful princess who sleeps a few days 

Grace-serious, shy princess who falls for a frog

Lettuce/Rapunzel-good-hearted girl who is confused about her duty

Jacob Grimm-jester who may have been someone else in his youth-ages between Acts I & II

King Ethelred-Grace's father

Queen Beatrice-Grace's mother

Mirror-kindly older lady

Steward/Chatelaine-(m or w) in charge of the king's banquet

   Fairy tale characters:

Goldie-little girl looking for a place to take a nap

Ella-Alice's protegee

Rumplestiltskin-grumpy spindle owner

Hansel-kid looking for food

Gretel-likewise

Red Riding Hood-little lost girl

Wolf-a wolf!

Belle-girl with a caring father

Jack-not-too-smart guy with a beanstalk

Seven Dwarves-days of the week

Four Chicks, Three Hunks, and a Frog

 Act I Scene i-Fairy hall

( curtain opens; stage is darkened; novices file in with candles NOTE: glo-sticks work very nicely here. GUARDIAN stands before them.)

Initiates, we gather for your last meeting as novices. You will perform the rite of the craft while the council makes its final decisions.(Initiates perform a solemn dance)

Gdn: The council has decided. Twelve of you will become fully initiated and begin the work of our organization: Women Intended To Create Harmony. You will each receive your assignments and begin the task  of helping humankind to achieve their destinies.  One of you, however, has been deemed unacceptable to our task.  Shanara-you have been given every chance to improve your attitude and your behavior. You have constantly created trouble among the fairy sisters, you have shown nothing but contempt for the human beings we are sworn to help, and you insist on wearing black, …which really irritates me! You are hereby banished from the W.I.T.C.H. council.

Shan: (Stepping toward her) You old bag! Do you think I care? I never wanted to join these goody-goodies anyway. I only came here to learn the magic arts that will make me powerful! (To the initiates) Have fun, girls-I’m sure we’ll meet again! (She leaves, laughing menacingly)

Grn: Oh, dear-I hope she hasn’t stolen too much magic. She was always snooping into things! (Gathering her thoughts) UMM! Ladies, you are now apprentice fairies, commissioned to go out into the human world and assure that your client meets his or her destiny.  Metron will hand each of you your first assignment. (Each fairy comes forward and gets a scroll from METRON as she continues. Fairies read their scrolls and smile as each learns her placement.) Before we disperse to our tasks, however, you have been invited, en masse, to attend the christening of a child-the king of Lothian’s daughter Beauty. He thought it would add a nice touch if the new fairy class attends. I’m sure he’ll expect gifts, so think of something appropriate. (LIGHTS fade)

(As fairies go through the line, MABEL and ALICE chat together.)

Alice: I hope I get something good for my first assignment. I’d like a sweet little girl that I can help find her way in the world, or maybe a lady who can’t have children-I’ve been practicing very hard on spells to cure that. I mean, I’ll take whatever I get, you know, but I really like working with nice people. Bad creatures really get to me, you know? I can take it for a while, but then it just -gets to me, you know? The Guardian says I have to learn to hold my temper, so I try, but anyone who is mean to someone else, you know? I 

can only take it for so long, then POW, something snaps inside me, you know?

Mabel: I see. Well, the Guardian is very wise, and if she says you must practice keeping your temper, you really should.

Alice: I know. What are you hoping for?

Mabel: I guess I’ll be happy with whatever the Guardian gives me to do. I don’t really have a specialty, like love potions or childbearing spells. I like surprises, I guess.

Alice: Well, there are enough of those in the world, you can bet!

 (They get into line and receive their wings)

Metron:   Fairies! Prepare yourselves and your gifts for Lothian’s christening party. (Losing her dignity a bit) And congratulations, girls-you were lovely!

Scene ii

(Lothian’s castle, throne room. Nobles are scattered around, there is a cradle CENTER, the KING & QUEEN sit on thrones behind it, and the 12 FAIRIES stand off L.  FIRST FAIRY is beginning the gift-giving; as each fairy speaks, she passes a hand over the cradle.)

Alice: My gift to the Princess Beauty- is beauty. She will be second to none.

F#2: My gift is kindness. She will be known for her sweet disposition.

F#3: My gift is music. The princess will play and sing like an angel.

F#4: I bestow talent in art. She will draw, paint and weave with genius.

F#5: I give the princess grace. She will move like the daintiest fairy.

F#6: My gift is courage. The princess will never fear what must be faced.

F#7: My gift is curiosity. Beauty will have an interest in everything.

F#8: I grant her charm. She will be loved by all humankind.

F#9: Happiness is my gift. Beauty will love life and laughter.

F#10: I bring skill. The princess will be able to learn quickly whatever she needs to.

F#11: My gift is athletic ability. The princess will be quick, strong and accurate.

Mabel: My gift-

Shan: (appearing R. in a puff of smoke) So, your highness! You invite the goodies, but not me! I’m going to make you sorry you never thought of me, King Loser! My gift for the princess is a curse-she will live happily for 15 years, but on her 16th birthday, she will prick her finger on a spindle and DIE!

King Lothian: A spindle? She’ll prick her finger on a spindle?

Shan: Pretty clever, huh? There are spindles everywhere in your realm-you’ll never hide them all! But you can try-just keep trying! (Disappears in a second puff of smoke.)             

King L: Oh no! How can this be prevented?

Queen Irene: I can’t lose my only child-I can never have another!

Mabel: Highnesses-I have not yet given my gift.

Queen I: Praise be!

Mabel: I cannot remove Shanara’s spell-we haven’t that power.  I can only change it. The princess will not die when she pricks her finger; she will fall into a deep sleep for twenty years. (All gasp) I can extend the spell over all the kingdom so that you will share her sleep and wake refreshed after the time is up to continue your lives together.  Is that helpful?

King L: I will try to avoid the spell entirely by decree. (Raising his voice) All spinning wheels are hereby banned from the kingdom forever.  However, if my decree should fail to prevent this, I thank you for your gift. 

Queen I: We both thank you, and thanks to all of you. We can only hope that this can be averted. (Seizing Mabel’s arm) I went through 32 hours of hard labor for this child, now please-see what you can do to protect her from harm.

Mabel:   (Waves her hand over whole company) Well, I was going to give the princess common sense, but we’ll just have to hope she was born with that. (LIGHTS down)

Scene iii

(Later, in Metron’s office.  FAIRIES are getting ready to set out on their tasks. They chat happily. MABEL sits quietly off to the side. GUARDIAN enters and watches.

Fairy #3: I’m to mentor a wooden puppet. It seems he has quite a few adventures to get through.

Alice: I got a girl named Ella. It seems her family isn’t kind to her, and she must sleep on the floor  by the fire.

Fairy#2: I have some children who need some fun in their lives, it seems (Reads) John, Peter, and Wendy. They sound lovely. (Noticing Mabel) Where are you being sent, Mabel?

Gdn: Mabel, we must talk. (MABEL comes to her) You’re wondering why you got a blank scroll.

Mabel: Yes, Guardian. Have I done something wrong?

Gdn: On the contrary, my dear. You are our best and brightest. We were saving you for something very important; something we felt was imminent. And you’ve already proved yourself this evening when you saved the Princess Beauty from death.

Mabel: I just did what I could to help.

Gdn: It was very quick thinking, and you’ll need to do more of it if I don’t miss my guess. Shanara will be making trouble whenever she can from now on. We need someone to cross her at every turn. We haven’t the power to stop her, or even predict what she’ll do, but we can be on guard and try to fight her when and where we can. We believe you are the one to do this.

Mabel: Me? I don’t like to fight.

Gdn: No one who is truly brave does. We fight because we must, not because we choose to. Will you try to protect us all from Shanara?

Mabel: If that’s what you want of me, then yes. I will.

Gdn: Good. I will give you what I can to help-I have a magic mirror that always tells the truth and knows everything, but it can only answer specific questions. I will create an enchanted door between here and Lothian’s castle so you can move quickly from one to the other.  I will try to find you an assistant of some sort, too. Remember, my dear, it’s up to you. We in the Fairy Hall can only watch and wait.

INSERT-Shanara crosses stage, meets little girl.

Goldie: Excuse me, Ma’am, but I am tired and very hungry. Do you know where I can get some rest?

Shan: Of course, little girl. Right over that way is a cozy little house with food set out on the table for anyone who happens by. You could sit in a chair or even take a little nap there. No one will mind.

Goldie: Oh, thanks a million! (She runs off)

Shan: Don’t mention it, Babycakes.

Scene iv

(Fairy crosses with sign “16 years later”-Throne room. It is Beauty’s birthday, and there is a party going on. Couples dance as MUSIC plays. FANFARE-KING & QUEEN enter and are seated on their thrones)

King L: Welcome all, to my daughter’s birthday celebration. Beauty (Indicates her) is sixteen today, and it appears we have beaten the evil woman’s spell. I have invited all the eligible nobility in the area here so that they may become acquainted. Perhaps some alliances will be formed this night (Chuckles-everyone else chuckles just the same way). 

Queen I: We are very proud of our daughter’s accomplishments, so if you dance with her, be sure to ask her questions. She knows everything that books can teach. I, her mother, have taught her all the womanly duties that every girl should know. Beauty has all the accomplishments one could wish. (to husband) So what if she’s a little dingy and can’t decide which end of the candle to light? (Back to group) She will make a great queen for one of the eligible princes here tonight. She is our only child-have I told you that I was in labor for 33 hours? (All nod vigorously) Well, it was a trial, I can tell you,

King: (Interrupting) Musicians, play on!

 (MUSIC- couples dance. Three princes enter and are announced.)

Steward: The Princes Charming: Dwight Charming, Blessed with Physical Perfection and Huntsman Extraordinaire;  Barry Charming, Possessor of Mighty Wit and Great Intellect; and Lucky Charming, voted Most Likely to Be Kissed and All-around Ladies’ Choice.

(Princes stand off to the side, watching the crowd.)

Barry: Well, here we are, on display like a trio of prize roosters. I’d rather be studying Euclid.

Dwight: It’s not so bad, brother Barry. All the ladies can admire my spectacular looks.

Lucky: Sure, Dwight, but I’ll be the one they’ll all want. Old Lucky is the prize for tonight.

Barry: I don’t want to be chosen for looks, as you do, Dwight, or for my sparkling personality, like Lucky here.  I’d like to meet a woman who is my intellectual equal.

Dwight: Yeah, right. Us too, right, Lucky?

Lucky: Sure. Brains- that’s what I’m looking at-I mean for!

Barry: Not just brains-I love beauty too. I want a girl who is well-rounded…

Lucky:   Now you’re talking!

Barry: I mean talented in many areas, you moron!

Dwight: Well, you’re very talented in many areas, but you haven’t got the sense Nature gave a rabbit, so what good does it do? You and your talented female would probably drown because together you couldn’t decide to come in out of the rain. For myself, I don’t care if she can quote Aristophanes as long as she looks good beside me and can appreciate me.

Lucky:   (Teasing him) You mean you won’t mind marrying someone as gorgeous as yourself? Won’t you be jealous?

Dwight: No. I want my equal, just as Barry does, but my equal in physical perfection. You can always hire an intellectual if you need thinking done, but two perfectly beautiful people-what an ideal marriage!

Lucky:   I’m not sure what I want in a wife-right now I just want to meet them all and let them bask in my personal charm. Let’s get this party started.

(They start for the center, but SHANARA, in disguise, approaches them.)

Shan: Young gentlemen. You are all quite amazing. Forgive me, but I am aunt to Princess Beauty, and I recently returned from the East, where I bought some lovely trinkets that are said to be also good luck charms. May I present each of you with one, as a token of esteem?

Barry: Lady, it is not necessary, but we would be delighted to accept them if you will let us repay you with a dance later in the evening.

Shan: How nice. A young man with manners. You shall have a medallion, because you are so nice to an old woman. (Places it around his neck) Never remove these gifts, young men, for the good luck will escape from them. You, I think, should have the ring. (Puts ring on Dwight) And for you, charming Prince Charming, a brooch for your cape.

Dwight: We thank you, Lady, and we will claim our dances one by one. (They move off)

Shan: (Revealing herself to audience) I won’t be here, boys, but my magic will be working on you! There is a girl here tonight who is exactly right for each of you, but you’ll never know it! (Hides behind throne)

(PRINCES approach girls as MUSIC begins and couples dance.)

Dwight:  I am Dwight Charming. Have we been introduced?

Beauty:  I am Princess Beauty. It is my birthday we are celebrating.

Dwight: You are quite lovely, Princess.

Beauty:  How kind of you to say so. I have never considered beauty to be as important as some girls, though, since all princesses are said to be beautiful.  I prefer to look inside, to the intellect.

 (LIGHT fades, comes up on next couple.)

Barry: I am Barry Charming, at your service.

Grace:   I am Princess Grace of Bavaria, Sir.

Barry: Would you care to dance, or perhaps you would like to go outside and discuss the works of Plato?

Grace:  Whatever pleases you is fine with me, but I’d say that since it is raining outside, it makes sense to stay in here, whatever we do.

Barry: Sense. Yes.  I just can never manage it. Mother says I need a keeper.

Grace:   Really. (Rather put off)

Barry:   Yes. It seems I’m the smartest man in Christendom, but I can’t remember to tie my shoes unless Mother reminds me. I know all the arguments of Aristotle, though. Would you like to hear them?  

(LIGHT fades, comes up on 3rd couple)

Lucky: Greetings, Lady. I am Lucky Charming.

Snow: I am Princess White, Snow White.

Lucky: Unusual name, Snow.

Snow: My mother left Siberia as a young princess to marry my father. She missed her homeland. I get my looks from her, I’m told, though I never knew my parents. But Lucky is an unusual name also.

Lucky: My real name is Willy, but you see- there was another Charming brother-Joe Charming. He and I went out hunting one day, and we got separated in a storm. I made my way home, but he never returned. People began calling me Lucky. 

Snow: I see.

Lucky: We all miss him. He was the best of us; always making everyone happy. My brother Barry is one of the most accomplished men in the world, and Dwight has the looks, of course, but we miss the joy that Joe used to spread with his warmth and charm.

Snow: How sad. Was he handsome?

Lucky:   Of course. All the Charming boys are handsome.

Snow: Yes. Well, I plan to marry the best-looking man in the world.

(Alice and Cinderella enter L., and approach Shanara.)

Alice: Excuse me. We seem to be lost. I was looking for the castle of Prince Rupert.

Shan:  This is the home of King Lothian.

Alice: Oh, my. I heard that Prince Rupert is looking for a wife and has invited all the fair ladies of the land to a ball. I’m taking my protégé here so she can meet him. She’s sure to catch his eye. 

Shan: I know about that ball. It’s next Saturday. Now if you’ll excuse me…

Alice: Oops! My mistake. (To Cinderella) It’s the wrong time, and the wrong place, dear. (Peering at Shanara) Is it…? Weren’t we at the academy together? I remember your face, but I can’t recall the name…

Steward:  There’s a pumpkin coach blocking the drive. Could the owner please see that it’s moved?

Alice: I’ve got to go. You just can’t trust mice, you know? You tell them what’s expected, but they just have very short memory spans. They mean well, though.(They start off). Good luck with your assignment, dear. I’m sure you’ll do very nice things for your humans. After all, that’s our job, you know.

Shan: Yes. I KNOW. (Watches them go). Now I can get back to business.

(Chants)  With my gifts before your eyes

      True love you’ll never recognize!

(SOUND of spell hitting, and two of the princes walk up to their perfect match: Barry to Snow, Dwight to Beauty, look at them for a second, and move on SNOW and BEAUTY look smitten.  Lucky stares off into space. LIGHTS fade on dancefloor and come up on sideset.)

Scene v

(Sideset-Council office-METRON is looking at a crystal ball and shaking his head.)

Met: What a mess! (KNOCK and MABEL enters)

Mabel: You sent for me, Metron?

Met: Mabel-everything’s in a tizzy. The council thought you might be able to handle this assignment, since your quick thinking has saved some sticky situations in the past 16 years. Shanara has been making trouble again. She’s blinded the Charming brothers to their true loves. Now they’ll never be happy, and who needs an unhappy ruler?

Mabel: What has she done?

Met: Some kind of spell has blocked their ability to recognize the one girl who can make each man happy. You see, Barry needs a girl who is his intellectual equal. Dwight needs a girl who’s as beautiful and vain as he is, and -we don’t know yet what Lucky needs, but we’re hoping it will be Princess Grace. We need you to straighten it all out.

Mabel: Sounds like a challenge.

Met: At least. Also, of course, Shanara is lurking about, trying to keep things stirred up. Watch out for her.

Mabel: Of course.

Met: Can you do it?

Mabel: I’ll try. Someone must stop her, and it might as well be me. She’s always hated me anyway. Beauty’s spell is due to happen tonight.  I have a feeling we can’t avoid that, but it will give me time to prepare for this job. I will be ready when the kingdom awakens for whatever Shanara has in store.

Scene vi-Throne room

Insert (Sideset-Spinning wheel sits on empty stage. SHANARA comes on with large box and begins to put spinning wheel into it.)

Voice: Hey! Where are you going with that?

Shan: I’m just going to borrow it for an hour; then I’ll bring it right back!

Voice: (Sticking head out from underneath.) I’m gonna need it tomorrow. The miller’s daughter will be looking for me.

Shan: Yeah, yeah, we’ve all got our jobs to do. I said I’d bring it back, so keep your shirt on, Shorty!

Voice: Pesky woman-Why’s she gotta borrow MY spindle? Don’t they have any where she comes from?

(Fades away, grumbling)

( Shanara drags box onto side of stage and begins looking through the crowd for BEAUTY. Others keep dancing.)

Shan: Oh, Princess! Princess Beauty! (BEAUTY enters through the window.)

What were you doing out there? Isn’t this your birthday party?

Beauty:  I’ve been studying geometry, and I wondered if I could make it up the castle wall from the other side of the moat. I had to lasso the crenellation, then shinny up the rope after jumping across on stones that rise out of the water, then climb the wall. But I did it. Daddy says I have great athletic ability.

Shan: But you have guests! And isn’t it raining?

Beauty: (Thinking) Yes, I believe it is. I guess I should have thought about that, but it was such an interesting experiment. What’s in the box?

Shan: How did you figure how much rope you’d need?

Beauty: I used the square of the hypotenuse, of course! I have great mathematical ability too. What’s in the box?

Shan: I’ve heard that you also speak several languages, compose poetry, and play seven musical instruments.  

Beauty:  Yep. Daddy says I’m the most accomplished princess in the kingdom. The only thing Daddy wishes is that I had common sense. You’d think, he says, that a girl who can explain the quadratic equation in Russian would know enough to come in out of the rain. How was I to know that rain isn’t good for silk? Doesn’t it ever rain on silkworms? What’s in the box?

Shan: I had heard that you lack common sense. I’ve brought a present to help you.

Beauty:  A birthday present! Cool Beans! Is it an educational toy? Daddy says every child should-

Shan: Yes, it is, sort of. You touch this part here, and before you know it, you’ll be much smarter!

Beauty: It looks sharp. It could prick me!

Shan: Small price to pay for common sense, I’d say.

Beauty:  Daddy would be so happy if I had common sense-so what can it hurt? (She touches spindle) Ouch! That hurt!

(LIGHTS up on dancefloor. People are dancing, but they slow gradually down. Elongated remarks such as “OOOOOH, NOOOOOO” and “BEAUUUUUUUUTY!” are heard, then everyone drops to the floor.)

Shan: See? You’re smarter already! (Beauty falls to the floor) I did it-I did it! Yesssss! (She does a little victory dance, then takes BEAUTY’s pulse.) Wait a minute! She’s not dead; she’s asleep! Somebody’s been messing with my spell!

Mabel: (Rushing in the doorway-stops) Too late!

Shan: You! I might have known.

Mabel: Me. I will fight you Shanara. You shouldn’t hurt humans. 

Shan: I hate humans, I hate your fairy council, and I hate you, Mabel!  I’ll make you all miserable every chance I get-and you can’t stop me!

Mabel: You’ll have to wait twenty years now-the whole country’s asleep.

Shan: I can wait. I have a summer home in Transylvania! (She disappears)

Fairy crosses with sign “5 years pass”

Scene vii

(Transylvania-Shanara’s castle. Outside it is a large garden. Shanara is pacing in the garden.)

Shan: Five years of boredom! No one ever comes to Transylvania, and no wonder. The weather is lousy, and the werewolves howl all night. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in years! I really owe Mabel for this.

(Alice comes on L.)

Alice:  Well, hello there! I haven’t seen you in years? How are you?

Shan: I’m just peachy.

Alice: How nice. I hope your evening at that party turned out well. 

Shan: Not exactly as I’d planned it, but we do what we can.

Alice: True. I did get my Ella to the correct ball, and she met her prince. They’ve been married now for four years, and they’re doing well, so I don’t have much to do these days. I have been counseling a little bunny who has some real issues to resolve. 

Shan: A rabbit?

Alice: Yes, his name is Fu-fu. He’s a dear, really, but he just had a bad day. He was hopping through the forest, you know, and he started picking up field mice and bopping them on the head.

Shan: Oh, yes, I’ve heard of him. He always does that.

Alice: REALLY! He told me it was the first time and it would never happen again.

Shan: Hmmm.

Alice: Anyway, I came floating down, you know- making an entrance- and I said, “Little Bunny Fu-fu; I don’t want to see you picking up those field mice and bopping them on the head.” Then I gave him a good talking to and another chance. Everyone deserves a few chances, you know?

Shan: Of course they do. Now, shouldn’t you be getting back to your Ella’s kingdom?

Alice: Yes, I should. Everyone here is asleep except Fu-fu. Of course the field mice were awake, but then when he bopped them…(She wanders off)

Shan:  Weird, but harmless, like all those fairies!

(RED RH enters L. )

Red: Excuse me, kind lady, I seem to be lost. Could you tell me the way to the cottage of my grandmother, Dame Winkel?

Shan: (Looks at audience slyly.) Sure, honey. Take the left fork just there. (Points)

Red: Thank you so much.

Shan: Anytime, sweetie. (Waits until RED is gone, then whistles. WOLF sticks head out from behind a tree, she indicates a different direction.) And don’t dilly-dally, Big Bad! (WOLF leaves)

(NOISE-she looks down into the garden, where JACOB is stealing lettuce.) What is this, visitor’s day? Hey, there! Who are you and why are you stealing my lettuce?

Jacob: I’m sorry. We are traveling through, and we haven’t seen a living soul for days. My wife is about to give birth, and she needs nourishment or she’ll die.

Shan: (Conniving) Of course, my good man. Take her some lettuce. (To herself) But you’ll pay!

(Lights fade, then come up-morning. Jacob enters with bundle)

Shan: Good morning, man. Is all well?

Jacob: Sadly, no. My wife has died, and now I have a child to care for. I must travel from castle to castle to earn my living. I can’t see how I will care for a newborn babe.

Shan: What is your name and what do you do?

Jacob: I am Jacob Grimm. I am an entertainer-I play the palace (weak laugh). I have no family that I know of. I lost my memory when I was hit over the head in a battle. Kind gypsies found me and cared for me. They taught me to be an entertainer, so I earn a living, but I have never been able to remember my former life.  Now that my gypsy wife is dead, I'm in a mess. I can’t raise a child alone. Sometimes I still get a little mixed up from the blow to the head. I get details wrong. How could I care for an infant?

Shan: Consider this, Jacob Grimm. Leave the child with me. I have no one to care for, and I will be good to her. When you are able and she is older, come back and I will return her to you.

Jacob: You are very kind. Thank you! Thank you! (He leaves her with baby-EXIT)

Shan: And good riddance, Jacob Grimm. You’ll never find this place again-and you (to baby) will be my slave! I will call you Lettuce. I have fifteen years to get you ready to be my secret weapon against Mabel and all of humankind! I will tell you all my secrets, and you will see that I am there when my plans all come to pass! (Goes in laughing evilly)

Fairy crosses with sign -“15 years pass”

(Shanara and Rapunzel are in the garden, Shanara watching while Rapunzel works)

Shan: So you’re clear on your instructions?

Rap: (Dully) Yes, Mother Shanara. I am to infiltrate the fairy organization and report to you what they are doing. I am to cause havoc among them and among humans whenever possible.

Shan: See that you do. I’ve done my best with you, but you are altogether too soft-hearted to be much use. Still, if you do well, I will get you a prince.

Rap: (Brightening) Really? A real prince, Mother Shanara? For me?

Shan: Yes, for you. I have put spells on them all with my trick jewelry. They will be easy to catch because they don’t know true love from chewing gum. Now go, girl, and do well what I have taught you.

Rap: Yes, Mother Shanara. (To herself) A prince-all of my own! (Exits)

(Alice enters and approaches Shanara.)

Shan:  Well, well, the fairy with the bunny assignment. 

Alice: And how is your work going?

Shan:   It’s ….pending. I hope to continue it soon.

Alice: Well, I’m quite put out at that Fu-fu. He was good for a while, but just the other day I caught him at it again.

Shan: The mouse-bashing?

Alice: Yes-he was hopping through the forest, picking up the field mice and bopping them on the head. And down I came, and I said, “Little Bunny Fu-fu, I don’t want to see you picking up the field mice and bopping them on the head!” I gave him one more chance, you know, everyone deserves a chance to change.

Shan: I suppose-if one doesn’t like the way one is.

Alice: How could one not want to be good? You know, I just don’t understand it. It makes me really, really angry when someone hurts someone else…but the Guardian says I must control my temper, so I try.

Shan: Very good of you, I’m sure. I prefer to take my own way, not the Guardian’s.

Alice: (After a pause) I’ve been thinking about you, and I remember now. Aren’t you the one they banished from the council?

Shan: So?

Alice: Oh, my goodness. I just can’t imagine that one of us, someone I was at school with, would choose to turn to evil. I’m sure you just didn’t understand what you were doing. Why don’t you change your ways and become one of us? We mean only good.

Shan: Mind your own business or I’ll stir up a little trouble in your neck of the woods.

Alice: Oh, dear me. Please leave my Ella alone. She’s very happily married, and the twins are just lovely, and she’ll soon have another little one.  I wish you’d try helping people; it’s so rewarding! Why don’t you help those people in the kingdom that are all asleep-it’s been so long, you know? (EXIT)

Shan: Yes, I know. If it weren’t for Mabel and her interference they wouldn’t be sleeping, they’d be mourning. But I’ll watch and wait-I’ll get those princesses yet.

Scene viii

(Office-. Mabel & Metron are meeting) 

Met: Your twenty years are almost up. Are you ready to defeat Shanara?

Mabel: I hope so, but she is clever, and she’s also had time to plan.

Met: Or plot, rather.

Mabel: True. I can only do what I can do. Do you ever worry that humans may not understand that we mean well?

Met: They almost certainly will get it wrong. You must ignore that and do your work.

Mabel: Our sleeping beauty will be awakening soon. I must get the right prince there when she opens her eyes.

Met: I’ve hired you a helper.

Mabel: Why, thank you, Metron!

Met: We need someone to communicate between us once everyone awakens, and she’s a charming girl, an orphan who needs a position.

Mabel: All right. I’ll give her a try. What’s her name?

Met: Oddly enough, it’s Lettuce. Next these humans will be naming their children Potato or Carrot. (Metron opens the door and ushers RAPUNZEL in.) Here she is-this is your new mistress-Miss Mabel.

 Rap: Pleased to meet you, my lady. I will try to do well for you. I can run fast, and I’m a people person, I really am. I take dictation, I give speeches if needed, and I love social occasions, so I’d be glad to cater your next party.

Mabel: (Smiling at her eagerness) Very well, my dear. Let us leave now for King Lothian’s castle. We must pick up a prince on the way. 

Rap: What are these royals really like, anyway?

Mabel: Well, Beauty is very, very intelligent, although a little scatterbrained at times. She will spend hours on a mathematical problem, or watching a cocoon, waiting for it to open, but she may forget to come to supper. She loves the sunrise and the sunset equally because they are both miracles, but she might forget to put on shoes and catch cold from the wet grass. She’s delightful. 

Scene ix (They enter castle, where people are sleeping in various positions. Cobwebs are present. MABEL stops by BARRY)

Rap: Oooh, he’s gorgeous. Can I have him?

Mabel: (Giving her a look) You? No, he’s meant for Beauty. He will awaken her with a kiss, which will make her fall in love with him, and vice versa.

Rap: Why does she get him?

Mabel: He’s her perfect match. Fate has chosen them. Our job is to put them in each other’s way. If humans never meet their perfect match, then they choose unwisely and will never live happily ever after. Beauty and he both are extremely talented people who lack common sense. They will learn together, because they love each other, to stop and consider what is sensible. Only love can make them do that. (She wakes Barry with a little push.)

Rap: (To herself) I don’t get it. Life is pain. What’s love got to do with it?

Barry: Where am I?

Mabel: You are at the castle of Lothian-and look! Kiss the princess and she will awaken. (Aside) Lettuce, take Barry over to Beauty’s resting place. The rest will happen naturally. I must check on the others. (EXIT)

Barry: I must kiss a princess?

Rap: Or you could wait and get to know me better.  I’m really quite attractive, don’t you think?  I’m Lettuce, and I’d love to marry royalty! What kind of girl are you looking for?

Barry: I dream of a delightful girl who will watch the sun rise and set with me, who can see the miracle in mathematics as well as in a butterfly’s wing. I sometimes forget things, but for her I would become a better man.

Rap: (To audience) Okay-what do I do here? My mother Shanara sent me to snare this man if I can, and he sure is pretty. But, Mabel says they’re meant for each other. I know that the medallion he wears is a charm that keeps him from knowing true love when he sees it. Do I tell him and lose my chance, or do I win by trickery? Mother Shanara wants me to win any way I can, but-I know! I’ll get rid of the spell and then I’ll try to make him choose me on my own merits. Then if I get him, I’ll know it’s really me he loves. (Turns to Barry) Kind gentleman, could I beg a favor of you?

Barry: If I can help a lady, I will.

Rap: I have great need of a medallion like the one you wear. 

Barry: Of course, lady. It is merely a good luck token a strange woman gave to me. You may have it, and may it bring you good luck, too. (He hands her medallion)

Rap: Now, look at me, and look at the lady sleeping here.

Barry: She’s quite lovely-I’ll bet she’s intelligent.

Rap: She’s asleep, for pity’s sake! How could you tell?

Barry: She’s exquisite-I imagine she speaks several languages.

Rap: She’s out like a light-she’s probably bor---ing.

Barry: I can’t resist! (Kisses BEAUTY, who wakes)

Beauty: Oh!  Qui est-ce que? Didn’t I see you…

Rap: I’m Lettuce, your highness. I-

Barry: At your birthday celebration. Were you so beautiful then?

Rap: Pleased to meet you. I’d like-

Beauty:  Were you so handsome?

Rap: Are you two crazy? (They don’t notice her, go off together) DRAT! Mother Shanara sent me to break this match up, and I’ve failed. But it’s hard to beat true love like that. I never knew it existed, but Mabel seems to be right. They sure are perfect together.  

(JACOB enters as all but the king, queen, and steward get up, stretch and yawn, and wander out, looking sleepy.)

Jacob: Oh, excuse me! I see the princess is awake. The others seem to be stirring also. I’ll bet they’ve been asleep for a hundred years! Just look at all these cobwebs! Anyway, maybe I can get a job here now that things are back to normal.

Rap: Who might you be?

Jacob: I am Jacob Grimm, entertainer and would-be author. I’m researching a book on royal families and their private lives. I think people would like it, at least those who can read. In the meantime I support myself as a comedian. (KING has awakened and hears him) You are a lovely lass. What is your-

King: (Stretching) Comedian, you say? I will hire you, and we will have a celebration this night for the restoration of our land. 

Queen:  Oh, my aching back-it’ll never be right again. What I’ve gone through for that child! Thirty-four hours of labor, raising her, worrying because she’s got less common sense than a mayfly, then this horrible sleep spell-I’ll bet my clothes are all motheaten and my begonias are gone to seed. Still, she is my child, and I’m not one to complain. Entertainer, you may lead the festivities. Steward, you will see to the meal.

Stew: Of course, your highness (bows). We will assure that no one leaves the table hungry.

Jacob: Thank you, sire, madam. I will do my best to add pleasure, I assure you. 

King: Where did everybody go? 

Queen: I must find Beauty. I hope she didn’t fall asleep with her good jewels on…I always tell that girl….(King & Queen Exit, she’s still talking.)

Jacob: I must see what can be done on short notice for the festivities. I’m sure they will be even more festive when the King and Queen find that Beauty has met her prince. Bless you, my dear. You are as good as you are lovely. (Exit)

Rap: What a nice man! He seems familiar, but I’m sure I’ve never met him before. Well, I guess I may as well report back to Mother Shanara. She’s NOT going to be happy! 

Insert (Shanara is crossing the stage, picking up small bits of something. She almost bumps into two children who have been dropping them. They don’t see what she’s done.)

Hansel: Oh, finally! We’ve found someone! Please help us! We’ve lost our parents, and we don’t know what to do!

Gretel: We have very little food and it’s getting dark!

Shan: Well don’t worry, kiddies; I know just the lady to help you. If you go right down through there, you’ll find the most pleasant surprise- a gingerbread house. There’s a lady there who will welcome you as if you were her own! (They run off) Supper, that is!

End of Act I

Act II

Scene i (Office)

Mabel: Rapunzel! I was getting worried. Did everything go all right?

Rap: Yeah, sure, fine. What can I, uh, do now to help?

Mabel: Next we must help Snow White meet her prince. Now this one is a little complicated. Snow was born a princess, but she has no living family, and no country to rule. I’ve invited her to stay with me until she reaches legal age. She’s a little vain, but otherwise a nice girl. Her destiny is to marry Dwight Charming, but he has only two passions, his looks and hunting. Neither is very conducive to meeting eligible girls. She’s going to have to move to the country for a while. I’ll have my huntsman escort her and several servants to a chalet I have in the forest. It’s quite comfortable, and the prince often goes hunting near there, so we can arrange that they meet.

Rap: Is that fair, to force her to live in the country? What if she doesn’t like it?

Mabel: Hmmm. I do want to be fair. Let me ask my magic mirror-it always tells the truth.   “Mirror, mirror, on the wall-who’s the fairest of them all?”

Mirror: Mabel dear, you are so fair, that none in fifty can compare.

Mabel: There, see? I must do what is right. 

Rap: Would you like me to arrange it?

Mabel: Yes, please. And thank you for all your help. I’ll look in on Lucky and try to get to know him.(EXIT)

Rap: (Going to side door, she ushers in Shanara) Did you hear, Mother?

Shan: Yes, Lettuce. You are a good girl to let me in. Now go and get Snow White and send her here.

Rap: Yes, mother.  (Exits-soon SNOW WHITE enters)

Shan: Snow White?

Snow: That is my name.

Shan: I am Lettuce, Mabel’s assistant. I’m supposed to do what she says, but-(breaking down) I-I just can’t do it!

Snow: Do what?

Shan: Well-you do know that you are very beautiful?

Snow: Yes, I’ve been told.

Shan: Well, Mabel is very jealous. She says humans shouldn’t be prettier than fairies, and it has been proven that you are.

Snow: I am what?

Shan: Prettier than Mabel. She wants to be the most beautiful in the land. She asked her Magic Mirror, which always tells the truth, and it told her you were the prettiest. She’s going to have you taken into the forest and killed by her huntsman.

Snow:    I don’t believe it. Mabel doesn’t want to be the prettiest. She likes me.

Shan: Don’t believe me. You do know that this mirror can only tell the truth?

Snow: So I’ve heard.

Shan: Well, let’s ask it. Mirror: did Mabel, just a few minutes ago, say to you: “Mirror, mirror on the wall/ who’s the fairest of them all?”

Mirror: Yes.

Shan: There. Did she not also say she was going to send Snow White into the forest with her huntsman?

Mirror: Yes.

Snow: Oh, my! I’ve got to get away from her. She’s psychotic!

Shan: We believe so. We watch her constantly, of course.

Snow: Well, I’m leaving.

Shan: If I were you, I’d pretend to go along with the move and then escape when y